Bugs in the Brew

Today, I would like to share a chapter out of Espresso for a Woman's Spirit by Pam Vredevelt, Chapter 12 pg.115-122

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  --Colossians 3:23-24

Cynthia's question caught me completely off guard.  After rattling off a long list of nasty comments a family member had made about her, she paused, took a deep breath, and asked, "How do you deal with people who put you down?"
     "Well, I guess it depends on the circumstances," I responded.  "How about this?  I recently showed a lady your book, Angel Behind the Rocking Chair.  When I started telling her about one of my favorite chapters, she interrupted me with a smirk and shook her head in disdain, saying: 'I don't know why Pam would write a book about children with special needs.  She's no expert.' "
     Somewhat stunned, I wondered how to graciously catch this curve ball.  As I sipped my coffee, I could tell from Cynthia's voice and penetrating look that she really wanted an answer.
     Her question went beyond a general interest in how I would handle this situation.  She was trying to glean some insight into dealing with her own set of struggles.  For years she had endured the toxic taunts of a critical mother and a perfectionist twin sister.  No matter what she did, in their eyes, it was never good enough.  It didn't matter if she knocked herself out for her husband.  It didn't matter if she was "mother of the year" to her kids.  She was constantly advised on ways she could do better.  Having endured years of perpetual put-downs, she wanted some suggestions to take home with her after we emptied the coffeepot.
     You need to know something else about Cynthia.  She is a Geiger counter for phoniness.  She has no patience for platitudes, and she seeks truth earnestly, swatting away any superficiality as she would a mosquito.
     Swallowing another sip of coffee, I said, "Well, comments like those never feel good.  I'd prefer to hear that people enjoy reading my books."  But her question triggered a memory that I decided to share with her.  I reached for my prayer journal and told the story.
     One day, years ago, someone's sharp words had sliced me to shreds.  The remarks had been cloaked in spiritual jargon to make them sound like "constructive criticism."  But there was nothing remotely useful or helpful about them.  They were vague, sweeping generalizations that masqueraded as facts.  To put it plain and simple, I was royally reamed.
    My response?  At the time I said nothing, but I admit I didn't do a good job of shaking it off.  That pitiful one-minute interaction gnawed at me for days, like an old dog working over his favorite bone.  It chewed on me, put me aside, then chewed on me some more.  It's amazing how, if we let it, one negative remark can nullify one hundred positive comments.
     Those ugly, nagging words drove me to my Father for comfort and insight.  I told Cynthia how after three days of ruminating, I decided I had replayed the incident too often.  I tucked the kids in bed, prayed with them, and then curled up in a comfortable chair with my Bible and prayer journal, still bugged.  And I was even bugged that I was bugged.  I didn't like the fact that someone's barbs had successfully ripped the rug out from under my confidence and sent my sense of contentment crashing into a million and one pieces.
     So I prayed.  I asked God for wisdom, and I considered the event again.  I wrote my conclusions in my prayer journal:
     Lord, every good gift in my life is from You.  My husband.  My children.  My writing.  My   speaking.  My counseling.  It's all yours.  And the bottom line is that it is You, and You alone, I want to please.  I want to live my life [for] an audience of One.
     There will come a day when I will render a final account to You for what I've done in this life.  I won't stand before You  and be asked to give an account for my husband's life, children's life, friends' lives...or my critics' words.  On the day I see You face-to-face, You will look me in the eye and ask me about me.  Period.
     That night I asked myself: Do you feel you have done what God wanted you to do?  I could honestly answer yes.  And I realized that was all that really mattered.
     Cynthia pondered what I said.  I closed my journal, reached for my coffee cup, and thought about the peace those perspectives had delivered to my troubled heart years ago.  "Ahhh," Cynthia said, sipping the last few drops from her mug, "If I'm doing my best for God, then that is good enough."
     "Yes!" I said, excited that the point had hit home.  "That's the very place where freedom from disapproval begins.
      Sometime after that conversation, I looked up a passage of Scripture I had read many times before.  The apostle Paul, who frequently endured the heat from every Tom, Dick, and Harry who offered a critical review of his life, asked himself a question similar to one in my journal: "Am I now trying to win the approval of me, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10).
     Once again the perfect simplicity of Paul's words inspired me.  Pleasing men and serving God are, at times, mutually exclusive.  When we give our lives wholeheartedly to follow God's plan  for our lives, there will be people who won't be pleased with us.  There will be those who won't like what we do or how we do it.  They won't like what we say or how we look.  They'll have strong opinions about what we should or shouldn't be doing.
     There will be judgement.
     There will be confrontations.
     There will be put-downs.
     And when those painful times come, we must be careful to respond in ways that please the Lord.  We must not get hooked into petty snarls.  We must monitor our responses and let God be the One to set the record straight.
     Paul also wrote, "Each of us will give an account of himself to God.  Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way" (Romans 14:12-13, emphasis mine).
     Hmm.  That sounds like a choice to me.  It also sounds like a challenge--a challenge to mind my own business and to be about His business.  It's what pleases Him and liberates you and me.
     I've noticed something.  The more I remind myself of the promise of God's favor and grace, the less I feel the need to defend myself when critics open fire.  Living my life for an audience of One has the power to turn down the heat on hurtful hints so my emotions don't boil over and burn others.
     The next time you're stung by a barb or pierced by a swiftly flying arrow, remember there is only One you need to please.  Align yourself with Him, step behind the wide shield of faith, and leave your defense in His capable hands.  He knows best how to handle the nasty bugs that land in your brew.

He who seeks only for applause from without has all his happiness in another's keeping.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. --Jewish Proverb